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A school in north London is looking for a 'detention director' to lay down the law

By
Tristan Parker
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Do you see yourself as a 'sergeant major in the detention room', who's also a dab hand at data analysis and keeping on top of paperwork? Michaela Community School in Brent may just have the perfect job for you.

The school has been advertising for the role of 'detention director' and judging by the job advert, they've got a pretty clear idea of who they do – and don't – want for the post:

'Do you like order and discipline? Do you believe in children being obedient every time? Do you believe that allowing children to make excuses is unkind?'

Then there's this bit:

'This role isn't suited to a would-be counsellor or to someone who wants to be every child's best friend. This role is for someone who believes children need clear, firm discipline. This role is for someone who believes tough love is what children need to become better people and grow into responsible young adults.'

Still not sure what kind of person they're after? An interpretive dance specialist? Someone who models themselves on Robin Williams' inspirational English teacher from 'Dead Poets Society'? 

via GIPHY


Don't worry, this should clear up any confusion:

'We want someone who will analyse data, organise detentions, line-manage staff, be a sergeant major in the detention room, ring parents, be extremely efficient with time and paperwork, have heart-to-heart conversations with pupils and be inspirational.'

Right, gotcha. Someone to come in and open up a big ol' can of discipline. Someone who makes Miss Trunchbull from 'Matilda' look like Mother Teresa. 

Looks like pupils are going to have to come up with something way more creative than 'the dog ate it' when explaining why they haven't done their homework.

Not the role for you? Here are the top five jobs Londoners secretly want.

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