Despite popular belief, London gets hot. And if there was a time of year to sit in a beer garden with a pint of gin then the last few weeks was it. But there are some people who are still convinced that it’s not too late for their summer body. Therefore the exercise squad are out in force, sprinting on the streets, doing press-ups in the parks and staring at the squat racks in last ditch desperate attempt to excavate their abs. And boy, are they sweating. These are the five types of sweaters you might encounter.
As soon as this person starts to exercise it's as if an internal tap has been turned on that furiously and determinedly drips out of every pore. This person will not usually smell but will look as if they have stepped out a shower within five minutes of their session. They will be conscious of their watering-can sweat pores and can normally be seen holding at least three towels and an office watercooler bottle and apologising to everyone within a mile radius.
The most evil of all the sweaty brethren, this person will emit a pong of sour BO, mixed with onions, something incredibly sweet (but in a bad way) and a boy’s secondary school abandoned PE kit basket. Unfortunately they are immune to their own scent and also seem to be allergic to deodorant. Avoid at all costs.
A rare but valuable sighting. This sweaty betty sweats into perfect shapes, the most common being a heart. If you’re lucky you might catch sight of the ‘exclamation mark', the ‘sitting down alien doing a wee’, ‘Mickey Mouse', and the ‘Deer with Antlers’.
Proud of their perspiration and either too busy or too lazy to wipe down their equipment this diaphoretic dude will leave a trail all over the gym. Thoughts are with anyone that has to use a bench press after them.
Wearing a sweatband round their head, one on each wrist and a towel draped over their shoulders, the faker will give the impression of just having done the hardest workout known to man but will have actually spent the last 30 minutes talking to anyone who’ll listen about the workout they’ve (not) done . Not so good for their summer bod but definitely the person you wanna be standing next to on the hottest day of the year.