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I say, old sport – sling on your tweed and get to Bloomsbury post-haste: it's time for the Chap Olympiad 2016!
Organised by Bourne and Hollingsworth and gentleman's periodical The Chap, the annual event of all things dapper is back at Bedford Square Gardens this Saturday. Style comes before substance in this competition, where pocket squares preside over physical exertion.
Get into the spirit with our guide to speaking chap. Pip pip!
'How do you do, old bean?'
Swap your usual 'alright, mate?' with this over-the-top greeting. Accompanying back slaps and raucous laughter encouraged.
'Cheerio!'
Not just a breakfast cereal but also a chap farewell. 'Toodlepip' also acceptable.
'Chin chin!'
A more dapper celebration of clinking glasses. NB: no chugging allowed.
'Clam'
A quid. 'Can you lend me ten clams?'
'Scoundrel'
For when you want to sound fancy when you're calling someone a dick.
'Chap'
A man. Identifiable by sharp trouser pleats, waxed moustache and a monocle. Trainers are strictly for scoundrels only (see above).
'Filly'
A more elegant way of addressing a 'fit bird'.
'Lollygagger'
Probably doesn't have a job, almost definitely defines two hours of Fifa as 'exercise'.
'Great Scott!'
Because 'oh my god!' has lost all shock appeal.
'Hotsy-totsy'
When something's just right. Perfect, on point, the cat's pyjamas.
'You slay me!'
When 'lol' and 😂 😂 😂 just aren't enough.
'Rats'
You're either annoyed, or animal-spotting in a dingy alley.
'Fisticuffs'
The physical alternative to blocking someone on Twitter. Chaps don't do passive aggressive.
'Upchuck'
More commonly known as a tactical chunder.
'Zozzled'
Absolutely, undeniably hammered.
To check out the event and book tickets, visit the Chap Olympiad page.