With Notting Hill Carnival a fading memory and ages to go till Halloween, you’re probably looking for an excuse dress up and party. So we offer you Talk Like a Pirate Day (Saturday September 19). Never heard of it? What island have you been stranded on? It’s been an official Thing for eons – well, since 2002 anyway. It started in the US as a bit of nonsense among friends, got the wind in its sails when it was picked by a radio station and has happened every year since.
All you need to do to join the gang is to introduce the odd piratical term into conversations with your nearest and dearest ('If you don’t pick up your underkecks pronto, you’re likely to find yourself walking the plank' – that sort of thing). Level two involves taking it outside the home. Try addressing the postman as 'Matey'; greet your neighbour with a cheery ‘Shiver me timbers, it’s pissing cats and dogs this morning’; swagger into the pub and order a tot of rum. It doesn’t matter if you don’t speak fluent pirate – you can fill any awkward silences with expressive variations on 'Aar'.
Having fun? Dive deeper: dig out your most flattering striped tee and knee-high boots. Accessorise with a hook/cutlass/eye patch and stride around singing, ‘What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?’. Obviously, if you already have masses of tattoos and/or an impressive beard, you’ve got a brilliant head start.
In the mood for a spot of carousing or voyage of discovery? We can’t guarantee buried treasure but we’ve put together a quick list of London venues that are pretty pirate-friendly. So splice the mainsheet, me hearties, and set sail on the good ship Any Excuse for a Laugh.t