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Six types of Londoners you're bound to see on your night tube commute

Night tube in London
© Nandan Prabhu

Finally, the night tube will be arriving to make our lives a lot more nocturnal this August. Hooray for more drinking time, and shorter and cheaper rides home. Of course, it won't be for everyone - but if you're prepared to stomach all tube etiquette going out the window after 2am, and seeing a lot more commuters getting stuck in-between tube doors, here are the Londoners bound to cross your path:

 

1. The Kebaber

They’re the reason the tube smells of a kebab shop. You’re slightly grateful for the smell, as at least it’s part concealing the stench of sick on the floor next to you. They are the Londoners who will likely appear online the next day, thanks to those sneaky photographers fascinated by people indulging in a quick commute snack.  

 

2. The Chatter Upper

No interaction on the tube will be a thing of the past post 2am. This commuter has had enough shots to think dancing on the bar top was a good idea – until they found themselves kicked out the club an hour before closing. Now on the tube with bags of alcohol-infused confidence and no bouncer in sight, be prepared for some cringe pick-up lines and drunken dance moves on the seats. 

 

  

© Rob Pearson-Wright

 

3. The Canoodlers

No rush for that last tube means more booze, which equals lowered inhibitions come home time. If you get uncomfortable with PDA or watching porn anywhere in public, you may want to rethink your route home – as after hours you’re in for a steamy ride. Let’s just say there's going to be far more interesting items turning up in the TfL lost property.

  

4. The Carriage Hopper 

You don’t want to cross paths with this pissed-off commuter when boarding the tube. They are the hot-headed Londoners who struggle to keep their cool at the slightest break of public transport etiquette, let alone the etiquette-free zone they find themselves in. They’d naively turned to the night tube to escape those unbearable night bus types, only to realise there are a whole new group of annoying Londoners – the nighttubers. Take note  you’re not going to get home any quicker taking a leaf out of the carriage hopper’s book who, having reached their last straw (and the last carriage), have decided to wait on the platform in hope that the next ride will be better. They have a long night ahead.

 

A photo posted by Miguel Lois (@mlmlois) on

 

5. The Heavy Sleeper

TfL will have to up their staff training on getting people off the tube at the last stop. Seeing someone #PassedOut will be far more common. And banging on the window, or speaking very loudly (basically shouting) in their face isn’t going to cut it. Maybe they’re not a heavy sleeper at all, maybe it’s their answer to the London rent/housing crisis. Sod suicidally high priced London homes, ridiculous rent prices, and landlords exploiting us at every opportunity – all night ride anyone? 

6. The Drunk

This is the commuter to blame for the wrath you just received from the fuming carriage hopper when boarding the tube. To top that off, they are the one to delay your journey by messing with the emergency alarm. Deep breaths. Get those earphones out, and brush up on that evil stare. You’ll want to work this out pronto otherwise it will be a drunken orgy you don’t want to be part of.

 

 

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