When addressing a friend who happens to be going through the truly awful process of finding a decent flat in London, one must approach the subject with extreme caution. Here are some phrases to avoid using at all costs - plus the answers you are sure to be met with if you do.
'That’s so expensive! Can’t you find somewhere cheaper?'
Oh, of course! I’ll just look for somewhere cheaper. Good thinking, Batman.
'Couldn’t you just sleep on a friend’s couch for a while?'
Are you offering, or…?
'I hope you don’t end up with a gross, weird housemate.'
Yes, me too. But then again I’ve had such great luck so far….
'My friend has a spare room going! It's a single room with no windows, and you’ll share with eight others.'
How soon can I sign the contract?
'What happened to that amazing, cheap, super in demand one-bedroom you were looking at?'
IT’S GONE OKAY?!? NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN!!
'I’m so lucky I can live with Tom and split all the bills.'
Yes. Isn’t that wonderful for you?
'I guess I was just really lucky with my flat. It was the first one I viewed.'
Well hopefully eighteenth time’s the charm.
'I know a guy who lives in a two bedroom flat to himself for like £350 a month. Can you believe it?'
Nope. But please, tell me more.
'There’s something really exciting about flat hunting! It’s like a fresh start!'
It’s really swell. Just swell. No you’re right, it’s… it’s swell.
'Have you ever considered moving back in with your parents for a while?'