Hankering after festive fun this weekend? Don’t bother writing to Santa, as we've already written up a list of party plans. All together now: Dear Time Out, all I want for Christmas is...
Gabba and leotards
Bangface Xmash Smack Down
Never let Christmas get in the way of a soul-shrivellingly messy wrestling-themed rave. Hardcore heroes Bangface are at it again, thank Christ, hosting a demonically debauched party full of acid techno, jungle and breakcore. Grab a protein shake, don the Lycra and give someone a suplex for Christmas.
Electrowerkz. Friday December 18. £15.
To sing like Noddy Holder
Friday I'm in Love: The Common People Christmas Prom
The massaoke (mass-karaoke) party hosts a festive charity extravaganza, allowing punters to belt out crimbo anthems en masse and raise cash for homeless charity Crisis. Special guests include hip chef and writer Jack Munroe.
The Phoenix (W1G). Saturday December 19. £10-£15.
To pogo around the dancefloor
The Nest Christmas Party with Joe Goddard
He of Hot Chip and The 2 Bears gives us an early pressie by hosting a feelgood bash at a popular Dalston basement club. Tunes will be bouncy, decor will be Christmassy – and dress, therefore, should be festively fancy.
The Nest. Friday December 18. £7-£10.
Flowers in your hair
Idiot Savant Flowerworks Xmas Party
Have yourself a very floral Christmas, as a huge venue is decked out with multicoloured festive flowers and treats. Mind-bending visuals will titillate your peepers and DJs will spin house and disco, plus there’s a free Afro-Mediterranean barbecue.
Studio 338. Friday December 18. £9-£15.
The House Clearance House Party Christmas Special
Two generous DJs give Santa a run for his money by giving away every record they play. There’ll be funk, boogie and Motown, plus festive anthems to get your mitts on – so that’s Auntie Vera’s present sorted.
Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes. Friday December 18. £5-£8.
Bargain banging ballroom beats
House of Trax: The Xmas Werks Do
Hear the underground sounds of New Jersey and Chicago launch themselves right into your face at the festive edition of this ever-excellent party. Ballroom, footwork, ghetto-tech and house will be busted out by various
Bar A Bar. Saturday December 19. £5.
Stevie Wonderland and Do! You! Radio
The furiously funky Stevie Wonderland crew host their annual Christmas special, teeming with deep disco, on-point house and straight-up boogie. Krystal Klear, Red Greg, Charlie Bones and Cosmic Tom are some of those doing the spinning.
Bussey Building. Friday December 18. £12.
To forget festive cheer and get grimy
Shorebitch Xmas Party
What does this party have to do with Christmas? Not much, really, but the tunes – garage, grime and bass from Big Narstie, Luck & Neat, and Artful Dodger – will be delightfully filthy. And that’s fine by us.
Electric Brixton. Saturday December 19. £15.
Boogie and baubles
Fever 105 Winter Wonderland
Not enough disco for you at Christmas? This extravaganza will answer your funky prayers. The club will be covered in more festive garb than Oxford Street, and DJs Joey Negro and The Menendez Brothers will spin the goods.
Loft Studios. Saturday December 19. £20.
To dress up and get silly
Club De Fromage Christmas Party
This ridiculously fun club night was made for Christmas, as it gives both punters and organisers a chance to dress up even sillier and sing louder than usual, to a perfectly cheesy pop soundtrack.
O2 Academy Islington. Saturday December 19. £6.50.