If you’re not prepared to put yourself through the trauma of appearing on ‘Pointless’ then the only real option you have to demonstrate your status as Wikipedia in human form is the humble pub quiz. However, even they are not all fun and games and we will all have encountered at least one character from the pub quiz rogues gallery.
We see you there, pretending to be on Tinder after a tricky question about ‘Neighbours’ instantly caused everyone to look a bit dazed. We see you taking notes and then going for your nineteenth pee in an hour even though you’ve only drunk one pint. We see you looking sheepish when you’ve got full marks for the third round in a row. We see you and we all think you’re a dick.
So this character is smarter than they have any right to be and probably put their phone away in a hammed up display worthy of a panto so it’s clear that they’re not a Googler. The worst trait of this creature is the propensity to attend quizzes in a tight-knit group referred to as a ‘gaggle’ of gloaters (a bit like geese); most likely to be heard collectively making triumphant ‘Aha!’ noises and nodding in smug agreement at almost every question.
Probably a regular and probably full of booze. Hecklers are often lone wolves who sit at the bar and do the quiz on their own. Expect regular interjections into proceedings, occasionally bawdy comments and repeated requests to have questions read out again because they didn’t hear; usually because they heckled over it the first time around. Avoid eye contact at all costs and you might get lucky and find they get bored and wander off.
We can all agree that the answers at a quiz should be checked and if something is outright wrong, a decent quiz master should concede. But beware of the pedant; the kind of person who might contest a point based on a spelling mistake or go home to get a special encyclopaedia to check an answer. Fine; Frodo is from the East Farthing of The Shire and not just The Shire but no one else cares and we all want to go home, you massive ring lord.
The Winner (if it's not you)
You started the quiz because it seemed like a good idea and was only a pound. But then you got sucked in and bought four more beers, snacks and then full-on food; a jackpot which just two hours ago seemed like a nice little potential bonus has now become a necessity to your prolonged survival. However, the results are read out and some other charlatan has dared to know more rubbish than you and the other failures you brought along. The winner is, for now, the worst person in the world.