The pyromaniac's Christmas, Bonfire Night doesn't involve any unnecessary present-giving, excessive eating or drunkenly arguing with relatives over the control of the remote. Instead, you get to head down the park and watch glittering balls of fire shoot through the skies above the capital, surrounded by the fragrant fumes of candy floss, sizzling hot dogs and singeing beards as hipsters play with sparklers. What a night! We can't wait for London to get her bangers out this November.
2. Bulking up
After three miserable months of attempting a 'summer body diet' (counting the fruit in a glass of Pimm's as one of our five-a-day, obvs), it's time to get back on the beige stuff. Hammering the crisps, doughnuts and triple-cooked chips is the only way to prepare for plummeting temperatures and Christmastime stomach-stretching. Come on, your body isn't going to put that extra stone on all by itself! Better start laying the groundwork now and crack open that packet of Hobnobs.
3. Staying in
The nights are drawing in so, naturally, marathoning television shows in a darkened room for hours on end is back on the agenda. As this autumn brings us brand-new series of 'Homeland', 'Fresh Meat', 'Peep Show' and 'Downton' (don't pretend you don't love it), you can tell your mates you'll see them some time in 2016. Socialising is sooo August.
4. Indoor drinking
If only Glade made an Olde London Boozer-scented air-freshener... going cold turkey on the pub this summer would have been so much easier. Over the past few months, drinking has involved either battling hay fever in the park or spilling on to the street while dodging cyclists and the number 38 bus in an attempt to enjoy an alfresco post-work pint. It will be such a relief to go back inside, kick back behind a sticky table and breathe in the glorious scent of musty armchairs, stale beer and dried-in urine. Ahh, heaven!
5. The end of the holiday selfie
We've seen more bikinis, beach scenes and couples posed in front of sunsets on social media this summer than a Thomson holiday rep saw in Marbs. Luckily, autumn sees the return of your Facebook friends (and their selfie sticks) from holidays in Crete, the Costa del Sol and the Costa del Margate, so you can now look forward to a newsfeed full of crisp brown leaves, home-baked pies and people actually wearing clothes. #weloveautumn.
By Liz Darke, who has been hammering the Hobnobs since April.
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