Millennium Gloucester Hotel London

I got married around here. So you might appreciate the sense of panic and impending doom that hit me as I walked out of Gloucester Road tube and up to this classy four-star hotel just around the corner. To be honest, the claustrophobic entrance doesn’t exactly help (it’s hidden away in a bit of a gloomy underpass) but once inside? Bells, whistles and all the jazz.

The hotel lobby is pretty spectacular – think ornate gold columns, marble floor, a huge, swooping chandelier and a cast-iron deer standing on a table. And who doesn’t want to be welcomed by a cast-iron deer on a table? Chaps in top hats and tails and some seriously well-honed staff should ensure the well-heeled visitors to this place feel more than at home.

Rooms are compact but impeccably neat and tidy. Beds are very comfy, the flat-screen TVs big and there’s a nifty little smartphone that gives recommendations and ideas for exploring London, which should definitely come in handy for those out-of-towners. My only bugbear? The heating was tropical… sure, it’s easily turned down but jeez, I got in a sweat thinking about their utility bills, let alone climate change.

I had a bath (excellent), ordered a pizza on room service (decent, speedy) and ate it wearing a robe on the bed. This I recommend. But if you want to eat downstairs there are four decent-looking spots serving Italian (Olives), pan-Asian (Bugis Street Brasserie), Indian (Bombay Brasserie) and modern-European in the bar (Humphrey’s – tennuously named after the first Duke of Gloucester, FYI). The latter also has a decent, if spendy, wine list and cocktails that were going down a treat with the table next to me. I’m hoping they booked breakfast in the morning – it was ace but I really think they might have needed it, too...