Arctic Monkeys – 'AM' album review

When men try to be sexy, society generally takes the piss. Get a gym body and you become an airhead. Dress well and you become a dandy. Cultivate a lothario’s tongue and you’re a sleazebag. I’m not saying men don’t get it wrong – hell, just look at Robin Thicke. Even so, a few unblemished heroes of male sexuality wouldn’t go amiss.

Step forward the Arctic Monkeys. Their fifth album possesses enough sexual dynamism to choke a horse. Combined with their Glastonbury-headlining swagger and exceptional musicianship, it makes for a dynamite LP and a reminder of why sex and rock ’n’ roll became linked in the first place.

Listen to the soul-indebted ‘Mad Sounds’ and the mental image of a roaring fire takes hold. With its heartbeat rhythms, ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ is the sound of the most incredible slo-mo sex you’ve never had. And that’s before Alex Turner coos lines like ‘I dreamt about you nearly every night last week’.

What stops all this coming over as creepy is Turner’s trademark affection for the prosaic. Few men could mention ‘leccy meters’ and ‘portable heaters’ in the same song (‘I Wanna Be Yours’) and still be a 24-carat babe.

One of Britain’s greatest bands just got greater in an unexpected but hugely welcome way. Single men, I urge you: put down FHM and pick up ‘AM'. Buy this album here

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