As part of our 2019 comedy special, comedian Mawaan Rizwan rounds up the rules for being a proper capital-dweller...
Plan a coffee with a friend seven years in advance.
Avoid Oxford Circus.
Big up the Victoria line.
Bitch about the Bakerloo line.
Tell people at parties that the ‘impatient Londoner’ is just a stereotype.
Be impatient with everyone on your commute.
Talk about how you need to get out of London but never do.
Leave London for five minutes and die of boredom.
Try to connect to the wi-fi at every tube station – you live for that 30-second high.
Pass a bridge across the Thames and think: ‘Wow, I live in London, baby!’
Get to the other side of the bridge and forget all about it.
Have a night in for a change.
Spend your night in getting FOMO.
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