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‘Someone in my office is an adulterer. I don’t know who, but someone is.’
‘Is it bad that I’ve never used a semicolon?’
‘The bass was pummelling through the lavatory.’
‘An iPhone definitely gets heavier the more music you put on it.’
‘My cock wears a helmet. And I do mean the chicken.’
‘I’m going to wet and fart myself.’
‘I’m getting lasered. If there’s another pandemic, at least I’ll be hairless.’
‘I’m just going to go to the toilet and then I’m going to like your tweet.’
‘She’s avocado in human form.’
‘I’ll go to my grave with a preserved lemon in my mouth.’
Every week you share the weird things you’ve overheard in London. Above, a few perplexing snippets from the past seven days – tweet us yours using #wordonthestreet and @timeoutlondon.