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‘Your personal brand is pâté.’
‘Which came first: cola or Coca-Cola?’
‘On days when it’s sunny, I’ll cycle. On days when it’s raining, I’ll masturbate.’
‘Imagine being a tortoise.’
‘I feel like life is just moving things around the fridge.’
‘I get a bit disorientated by a spatchcocked chicken.’
‘Honestly, kids are overrated. You should just get succulents.’
‘Rightmove is the married man’s Tinder.’
‘Oh there’s Waltham Abbey – that’s where the Battle of Hastings happened.’
‘Who would you rather shag – Gollum or Dobby the house-elf?’
Every week you share the weird things you’ve overheard in London. Above, a few perplexing snippets from the past seven days – tweet us yours using #wordonthestreet and @timeoutlondon.