I’m always surprised by the fact that FKABAM’s food is excellent. There’s just so much to find annoying: the cheek-by-jowl table arrangement; effortfully disinterested staff; loud music that is not by any stretch of the imagination ‘heavy metal’ despite it being billed as such; collab-ready branding; preternatural sweatiness. ‘Surely,’ I say to myself every time I squeeze myself through its claustrophobic entrance, ‘surely this place must suck.’
It doesn’t suck. FKABAM’s tattooed ruler Lee Tiernan might resemble a one-man Dirty Sanchez x The Bear crossover episode, but under the inky skin and camo print throbs the brain and heart of an elite chef. It’s obvious in every dish: Tiernan and his team want every ingredient to count and every mouthful to mean something. And almost every time they succeed.
When Lee Tiernan gets it right, he makes all other food seem impossibly boring
The restaurant’s devoted fanbase know the drill: one tasting menu, four courses for two people, £59 each. The dishes change every few weeks, but the lack of choice is alluring, not limiting. If it’s on the menu, it’s been perfected. Like genetically enhanced super soldiers, FKABAM’s dishes are the result of hundreds of hours of experimentation, innovation and refinement. Possibly using illegal drugs.
Also like steroidal mutant army men: these dishes pack a meaty punch. Only the shrimp sesame toast starter lacked the exaggerated zap present in every other morsel (in spite of its passion fruit dip). Tasty and pleasantly textured yes, but simply not on the same level as all of what followed.
Diced-up ox heart with tomato on FKABAM’s rightfully famous flatbread was unimprovable. I can’t even guess what cut of lamb was present in the coconut laksa, but it was one of the most tender, flavoursome pieces of meat I’ve had for years. Served alongside that, a loved-up duo of fluffy lamb faggots, perched on perfect rice with dried shrimp-inflected sambal. It’s impossible not to eat this stuff and react, like someone in 1970 hearing Black Sabbath for the first time. When Tiernan gets it right, he makes all other food seem impossibly boring.
If you find noise and heat and Josh Homme irritating then you will probably be annoyed at FKABAM (particularly as the music tauntingly being played in the kitchen downstairs was so much better). But if you like bold combinations, wild ideas and exquisite cooking you will forgive everything.
The vibe Hectic meat-mad fun box, for those who like their flavours loud and proud.
The food Changeable, creative set menus (including a vegan one, somehow) focusing on nose-to-tail fire cookery.
The drink I can’t imagine drinking anything but spicy margs here. There’s also a low-intervention wine list, however.
Time Out tip Obviously, the borscht back (a vodka shot followed by a borscht shot followed by a lump of frankfurter) is still the best way to end (and/or begin) any FKABAM feast.