A sprawling, Neoclassical statement piece, The Ned can feel a touch overwhelming. Sort of like Disneyland for city boys or Las Vegas with a Mary Poppins kink, it was built in the 1920s as the HQ for Midland Bank. This Grade I-listed stone behemoth now contains 10 restaurants and bars and a 250-room hotel, as well as a spa, swimming pool and a multitude of event spaces. There is lots of monochrome marble, some supremely high ceilings, and the constant, nagging reminder that you should really start paying into your long-ignored savings account.
The menu at Lutyens is turbo traditional
The finest of The Ned’s bevvy of restaurants is Lutyens Grill, named after the building’s architect Edwin Lutyens, who was also responsible for The Cenotaph on Whitehall, as well as much of Raj-era New Delhi. It’s tucked away in the snug, formal space that was once the bank manager’s personal office, but to get there, you have to traverse the cavernous main hall, which at 6pm on bustling Friday feels akin to crashing a banker’s wedding. There’s a band on a circular podium playing souled-up anthems, and the post-work crowd clink their glasses of bubbly in time with the strains of ‘Valerie’ and assorted classic rock bangers.
But it’s worth running the yuppie gauntlet. A small red rope will be lifted and a sturdy door will slyly roll open to reveal a low-lit, glossy wood-panelled space with regal, cosseted energy. This is a room where you’ll want to make big deals, push big red buttons and tell your lawyer that you want your husband to get a big fat nothing in the divorce.
The menu at Lutyens is turbo traditional. There are creamy shrimp cocktails and oyster platters to start (and even house tartare, if you like your cooked steak preceded by raw steak), as well as amazingly smooth Vesper martinis and dainty bread baskets.
A heavy board displaying the most succulent of steaks is then brought to the table to help you decide on your meaty main course, but you’ll likely be going by price rather than by looks. The most affordable is 55-day aged Angus rump at a reasonable £42, while 1.3kg of 100-day aged ox chop direct from El Capricho in Spain (considered by many flesh heads to serve the greatest steak in the world) is the costliest, at over £250. Our ribeye and fillet (both under £50) are prime examples of the form, and we accessorise them with a bordelaise that’s hunky with bone marrow and a silky smooth bernaise.
Sides are super luxe. Mac n cheese isn’t just mac n cheese, it’s lobster mac n cheese, while potatoes aren’t just potatoes, they’re 15-hour potatoes with black truffle. If it’s indulgence you’re after, then Lutyens Grill more than fits the (considerable) bill.
The vibe High-end, classic steakhouse in The Ned hotel.
The food Steak, obviously.
The drink A massive wine list, and classic cocktails abound.
Time Out tip For £100 a head there’s an unlimited prime rib deal, with as much meat as you can muster, carved tableside from a shiny trolley. Starter and dessert is also included in the deal.