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This review is from December 2018. ‘Nativity! The Musical’ returns for Christmas 2019. Danny Dyer, Danni Dyer and Simon Lipkin return, joined by Sharon Osbourne (Crystal Collins) and Rylan Clark-Neal (The Critic).
Look: at one point in ‘Nativity! The Musical’ Danny Dyer and Dani Dyer duet together on ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ while dressed as baubles. I think to many ticket buyers this will be sufficient recompense for their night, and it’s undeniably a moment with an enjoyable ludicrousness to it that might have mitigated the awfulness of the other stuff if only there been a lot more of it.
As it is, Danny’s role as a big shot Hollywood producer and Dani’s as his daughter who doesn’t do much are pretty fleeting – not really a surprise seeing as they’re only on board for the London stop of the tour of writer-director Debbie Isitt’s own adaptation of her much loved festive Britcom (fellow household name Jo Brand’s short turn as a plummy theatre critic is only in London and Edinburgh). Accepting that even the most ardent ‘Love Island’ fan presumably doesn’t expect much more from Dani than her physical presence, the guest stars are definitely the highlights.
‘Nativity!’ is about Mr Maddens and Mr Shakespeare, a pair of erstwhile schoolfriends from Coventry who grow up to become teachers and enter an aggressively silly rivalry over who can create the better nativity play. Shakespeare teaches at a posh school, and triumphed last year. Maddens teaches at a Catholic comp and had his ass handed to him.
But then Scott Garnham’s sadsack Maddens is partnered with Simon Lipkin’s hyperactive teaching assistant Mr Poppy, a manic, pun-spouting manchild who IRL would clearly one hundred percent never in a million years be allowed near a child in any sort of official capacity. He’s dementedly OTT, with a weirdly aggressive sense of humour that occasionally spills over into mild homophobia.
Together they... I mean I’m going to level with you, I’m not really sure what happens. Poppy tells people that Maddens’s ex girlfriend Jennifer, who now works in Hollywood, will bring some Americans to watch the show. So they write a musical version of the nativity that everyone seems to love? Everything ends predictably enough, but it feels like we never get to know anybody en route – the kids aren’t nearly as well-drilled or charming as their ‘School of Rock’ or ‘Matilda’ equivalents. And the adult cast feel overshadowed by the guest stars – Andy Brady’s OTT Shakespeare just seems to fizzle out before his story is over – with the exception of the terrifyingly overbearing Lipkin.
As a card-carrying Midlander I was also a little aggrieved by the general lack of effort to make this seem like the Black Country – not one of leads got anywhere near a yam yam accent, and there’s no attempt to reflect the diversity of the region in the casting.
David Woodhead’s sets are nice, and it’s impossible to not crack a smile whenever Dyer Snr awkwardly saunters on. Some of the structural shortcomings are clearly the result of the fact that ‘Nativity!’ has, laudably, been conceived as a touring show. The songs are forgettable but not disgraceful. There’s clearly been some money thrown at it. But ultimately a charming film has been turned into something crass and incoherent, coasting on WTF factor and seasonal goodwill.