There are certain obviously awful films out there – usually meatheaded action flicks or scare-free horrors – that are simply not screened for critics, on the grounds that, you know, they’ll all hate it, so what’s the point?
It would be lovely if the producers of ‘Wag! The Musical’ had hit upon the same idea, because frankly it’s precisely as awful as it sounds – it’s scored single star reviews across the board, and it’s hard to imagine that anyone involved expected anything else.
Anyhoo: spunky Jenny (Daisy Wood-Davis) works in a department store, where she spends most of her day avoiding work and grumbling about how prissy boss Mr Frank (Tim Flavin) expects her to do work. She’s also considering fleeing the country with her married footballer lover. But first there’s a charity fashion show happening in store, where the modelling will be carried out by a collection of Wags, ie footballers’ idle rich wives and girlfriends.
To say that ‘Wag! The Musical’ fails to engage with its central premise is to invite the suggestion that I’m taking it all a bit too seriously. Nonetheless the Wags – a collection of teak-coloured middle-aged women who don’t do much singing – are oddly peripheral to the groaningly formulaic central story about Jenny.
Rather than being offensively bad ‘Wag!’ sort of blunders on in a dull, well-meaning muddle, two-and-a-half drab, weakly-sung, low-budget hours based around a rags-to-riches story in which Jenny betters herself in a manner scarcely less dubious than if she had absconded with her lover.
Anyway, if you’re the type of person inclined to see a show called ‘Wag! The Musical’, and you are drunk enough, then you’ll probably have an okay time in spite of what’s happening on stage. This show is not for the rest of us.
By Andrzej Lukowski
Average User Rating
1.5 / 5
- 5 star:0
- 4 star:1
- 3 star:0
- 2 star:0
- 1 star:5
On WAG! The Musical's website, it states "Promises to be one of the most extraordinary theatrical events of the year". Well, Wag the Musical is actually one of, if not the worst, theatrical event of the year. Expecting a story of the Wives and Girlfriends (WAGS) of footballers, with their fake boobs, lavish spending, and bling jewelry, what we get instead is a musical with very bad music, a story with a very bad script, and a show so bad that it does not even deserve to be staged. It is questionable why the writers (Belvedere Pashum - with music and lyrics by Grant Martin, Thomas Giron-Towers and Tony Bayless) set a show about WAGS at a cosmetics counter in a department store. There are so many different ways they could've written a show about WAGS to make it funny and entertaining, but as it is now, it is a laughable production at best. Newspaper critics have declared this the worst show of the year. Are they correct? Definitely YES.
This is, indeed, an abysmal show that barely merits the rating it has been accorded by Time Out. However, much as I disliked it, I must point out a factual error in the review: surprisingly, WAG! did not score 'single star reviews across the board'. Some nationals were rather more generous and the blogosphere is full of significantly higher ratings - well, one or two. But, believe me, no amount of alcohol can dull the pain of this dreadful show whose awfulness is still giving me sleepless nights days after its opening.
Ugh. I am so glad I didn't actually pay to see this monstrosity. Sorry to all involved but this is an embarrassment to London theatre. Dull doesn't even come close to describing it.