Five upsides to your festive hangover

Just so we’re clear: it’s Christmas time. As folklore tells us, it’s the season to be merry. And, just to transliterate folklore for modern times: ‘Tis the season to do abso-bloody-lutely sod all work’. Without your body performing the physiological equivalent of dialing 999, there’s a very real chance that you’d be physically capable of actually listening to your boss, or lifting a finger to do something other than online shopping and endlessly browsing Twitter. Which, frankly is not what this time of year is all about. So thank god that hangover is keeping you on the straight and narrow. It’s keeping you true to Christmas. It’s what Jesus would have wanted.

What is a hangover? Other than the feeling that your brain has decided to have a duvet day, it’s a headache, nausea and sleepiness. But pain killers will cure the ouchiness, caffeine will sort the snooziness (but if not, some Day Nurse tablets definitely will) and the nausea usually sods right off after your second meal of the day. Thus, what are you left with? The feeling of being spaced out, which is actually quite fun once you learn to embrace it. Think of it as a tad like being stoned, minus the vast quantities of crisps and inexplicable desire to laugh at 'Dude Where’s My Car'. Yep, you’re not suffering: you’re having a fun, trippy experience. Some people pay for that sort of thing, you know.

Ok, you feel like crap. But guys, it’s winter. EVERYBODY feels like something that should be scraped off the pavement and tightly sealed inside a doggy waste bin. Seriously, look around your office. Notice the bags under people’s eyes, the constant sniffling, the odd empty seat? You’re not alone. Here’s the thing, though: half of them feel rotten because they’ve got a bit of a cold or their kid gave them Flamboyant Vomiting Disease (or norovirus, or whatever it’s called). Not you, though: nope. You feel ropey because you have been having a sodding amazing time. 1-0 to you.

Firstly, hangovers are comedy gold. Everybody loves hearing a story about how your booze-confuddled brain left you trying to open your front door with your Oyster card (erm, we have all done this – right guys? GUYS?). In a way, you’re stockpiling major anecodote-based party kudos (that’s what you should tell yourself at least). But also, that hangover is your dirty little secret. It’s the tale of a cheeky night out that you shouldn’t really have had, but which you went for with gusto (possibly a little too much). As everyone knows: stolen nights of illicit boozing are rock ’n’ roll. That hangover basically makes you Keith Richards.

It might not be easy to look at the big picture when your brain is attempting to punch its way out of your skull, but give it a go. Ask yourself this: how long is your hangover going to last? One day. Alright, alright: possibly two given that you really went for it last night and none of us are as young as we used to be. But, basically, your throbbing head will pass. Your night out, though: if you really let loose (and given that you have now read almost an entire article full of attempts to glorify your headache, we’re guessing you did), it should stick in the mind for ages. Thus, a hangover is not a sign of poor life choices. It is, in fact, the result of being a broad thinker: a bigger picture person, a real strategic mind. You’re not a fool – you’re playing the long game, taking a short term hit for a long term benefit. Well done you! Erm, unless you got so drunk that you can’t remember last night. In that case, you’re on your own.