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What kind of weirdo goes to a ‘vampire’-themed yoga class in a pizza restaurant on a Sunday evening? This is all that’s going through my head as I hover outside Lost Boys Pizza in Archway, trying to spot anyone with deathly pale skin and a yoga mat.
Once I’ve plucked up the courage to enter, I’m led down into a cold, dark basement and told to join a circle around a candlelit altar. A celebration of the occult or a cult initiation? It’s too early to tell. Teacher Fern begins by talking us through how we’ll be combining ‘the darkness that’s in all of us’ with the healing lightness of yoga. We go round the circle explaining why we’re here: one guy is a vampire historian (of course he is), the rest are mostly curious yoga fans with goth leanings (like myself). We begin to share our fears: I suppress the urge to say I’m scared that the door to the restaurant is locked and they’re all going to feast on my blood.
Before I can get too spooked, we do a quick meditation to protect us from the darkness (phew), then it’s time for some actual yoga. Fern teaches us a series of kundalini-style kriyas – a repetitive breath-driven series of movements – that are supposed to help us focus. The chilly basement soon starts to warm up as we breathe, sweat, swing, grunt and shake our way through our fears.
Once we’ve collapsed into shavasana (aka lying down), we’re read a dramatic chapter from Bram Stoker’s masterpiece: it’s very atmospheric, although the hum of the fridge and the ’80s pop bangers drifting down from the restaurant reassuringly remind me I’m not actually trapped in a crypt full of bloodsuckers. We finish with a rallying closing ritual, which includes a welcome glass of red wine, before heading upstairs for charcoal-based pizzas (a nice touch) and chit-chat. And thankfully, yes, the marinara sauce does contain garlic.