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The last time I saw white water rapids I was falling down them in a Thai National Park. A word of advice: if you ever find a sign that says ‘DANGER: no swimming’, it’s not there for jokes, so don’t climb over it.
Now, I am face-to-face with a sudsy river again, only this time I’m in Waltham Cross, and a burly instructor called Richard is persuading me to jump in for a swim test so I can go white water rafting. We’re at Lee Valley White Water Centre, right in the greater London wilderness of the River Lee Park. This white-water slalom centre was built for the 2012 Olympics and the day I arrived, Team GB hopefuls were training on the rapids, gracefully curling their kayaks through the thundering water.
Meanwhile, following a safety briefing from He-Man Rich, I lobbed myself in (wearing a life jacket and helmet – I’m no hero) with all the grace of a pissed antelope. I managed to scramble my way out of the whirlpool, passing the test. Only then was our team of four ready for some literal squeaky bum time in the big rubber raft.
Prepare to get close with your boat-mates: I spent most of the rapid-run lying across my new colleague’s lap, desperately trying not to fling out the side. Thankfully, the Lee Valley staff line the course, ready to save over-board strays with a long orange rope. The water is chlorinated, so the first run feels like being cornered in a swim class splash fight; I wasn’t so much rowing as flailing my paddle in the air like a grumpy old man with a stick. By the second and third go, we were practically screaming ‘Call me Ishmael’ and cutting through the water in unison.
The Lee Valley experience might be man-made, but those chlorine rapids made me feel like I’d conquered the high seas. If you need a bigger adrenaline rush than jumping through a set of closing tube doors, this could be it.
Find more weird and wonderful things to try in London