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Our Queen

Sun Mar 17, 8-10pm, ITV

The good people of ITV spent most of last year following the Queen around. Here’s what they came back with. We suspect anyone expecting salacious revelations about her majesty’s presumably juicy private life will be disappointed – you don’t get this kind of access to the Windsor massive if you’re going to be pissing on the ermine.

Around the time of the Jubilee, Alan Titchmarsh trotted out a piece of royal hagiography so toadyingly effusive it made ‘Downton Abbey’ look like ‘The Singing Detective’. Expect something along those lines from this two-hour documentary. We’re guessing the Jubilee, impending great-grandmotherhood and a few handy parachuting tips. To our intense disappointment, no preview material was available. Phil Harrison