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Celebrity Super Spa

Fri Sep 13, 10-11pm, C5

Episode one
Honestly. To quote Amy Winehouse, what kind of fuckery is this? To our intense relief, no previews were available of this insultingly pointless-sounding new series. But we’re guessing that someone looked at the success of ‘Celebrity Masterchef’ and wondered how the formula could be mangled and brutalised until it appealed to the ‘TOWIE’ set.

And eventually, they came up with this, a reality show in which incredibly minor celebrities receive training to give beauty treatments. The desperate z-listers in the firing line (and to be honest, these are the heavy hitters of the field) include Helen Flanagan, Rustie Lee, Yvette Fielding, Jody Latham and Arg from ‘TOWIE’. But we daresay we’ll be losing most of them along the way, possibly tearfully after a botched facial or an errant Brazilian. As you’ll have gathered by now, we’ll probably give it a miss.