Compare Your Life

Thu Jun 13, 8-9pm, C4

Series one, episode one
Anne-Marie and Martin are from Mansfield and have two young children. Understandably, they want a new life, but where? He wants to live by the coast and be a chef, she wants to stay near her mum and open a furniture shop. Both want to spend more time with the kids.

Enter former business git Carlton Hood, who uses an iPad app and something he calls ‘the science of comparison’ to whittle down 35,000 potential fresh starts (surely a contender for the least arbitrary-sounding arbitrary number ever) to just three. None of the options tick all of their key criteria (no Nobel prize for Carlton, then), so they’ll have to compromise. The resulting friction is fantastic entertainment, particularly when Martin tries to convince Anne-Marie that moving 250 miles away to south Devon may actually improve relationships with her friends and family. His well-rehearsed ‘quality time’ bullshit is good, but there’s no way she's falling for that one; back they trudge to the Midlands to inspect the remaining two business/home combinations, both within flobbing distance of where they currently live.

And that’s it, really – it’s ‘Relocation, Relocation’ for people who hate their jobs. We’d watch it again, but only if it looks like there might be a fight.