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25 things you will definitely see in LA traffic

Los angeles traffic
Photograph: Neil Kremer "Traffic" can mean something entirely different outside of LA.

Written by Time Out contributors, edited by Kate Wertheimer

Traffic in LA is a bitch, and unless you've finagled a very specific way of life here, you've most definitely been stuck in it. Sitting in gridlock does give us the opportunity to take in our surroundings, however, and our city streets and fellow commuting Angelenos are surely a sight to behold. Here are 25 things you've absolutely witnessed behind the wheel, for better or worse.

1. Nose-pickers. So many nose-pickers.

2. Angelyne in her pink Corvette. Most likely cutting you off.

3. Surf bros, usually in 4WD vehicles sans doors, stuffed with beach gear and blasting Sublime and/or mediocre reggae.

4. Workers on window-washing carts 30 stories up hand-painting giant movie billboards.

5. That one restaurant you've heard about and read about but had no idea was in this neighborhood.

6. The occasional art car, especially before/after Burning Man, decked out with fur, mosaic tiles and other scrappy decorations.

7. Terrifying mechanical mannequins waving bail bonds adverts.

8. Turn signals—wait, what are we talking about, you’ll never see those.

9. Sign-flippers who either look stoned and half-asleep or as if they should be in Cirque du Soleil.

10. Someone who still has their paper dealer plates on and who thinks they're too good for gridlock.

11. The ocean out the windshield and the mountains in your rearview.

12. An entire living room packed onto a pickup truck with a single bungee cord.

13. Celebrities. Don’t crash.

14. "WASH ME!" But don’t, we’re in a drought…

15. The drive-through line at In-N-Out that has backed up into traffic.

16. That all four lanes of the 101 are at a standstill, as soon as you turn for the on-ramp.

17. The Aretha. It’s Friday at 5:05pm. Her windows are rolled down, her music is turned up, and her vocal chords are just getting warmed up.

18. #CarSelfies

19. One, lonely parked car left on the street that is surviving 4-7pm anti-gridlock parking without a parking ticket, but screwing up your commute home. Lucky bastard.

20. Pedestrians moving faster than you.

21. Red Light Prayer: A person whose head drops in solemn reflection to check their holy text messages at every stoplight. 

22. Former carpool lanes now turned into tolled ExpressLanes. Because fuck you, that’s why.

23. The invasive species known as the Toyota Prius.

24. Someone who waves a thank you for letting them into traffic. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does we get that warm tingly reminder that there is still good in this world.

25. The person next to you who just caught you picking your nose.

 

If you're behind the wheel in this city, you better be following these 10 LA driving commandments.

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