Who wouldn’t love to shoot webs from the top of New York skyscrapers, or run faster than the speed of light in Central City? While Spider Man and the Flash may be treasured heroes back in their home cities, if they ever relocated west, they'd find these superpowers to be much more helpful in defeating the City of Angels’ most abominable villains.
The power to know if you should stay on the 405 or get off at Sepulveda
Even with Waze and Google Maps giving up-to-the-second updates on our grueling traffic endeavors, it is still a gamble when deciding whether you should get off the 405 at Sunset and take Sepulveda to Sherman Oaks, or travel even slower than the Getty Center Monorail in bumper-to-bumper 405 traffic. This superpower would give you the ability to see a full five minutes into the future and calculate every traffic decision and its potential outcome, allowing you 10 more minutes each day to fight villains (or watch Family Guy on Netflix, it’s your choice).
The power to know when there will be no line at Daikokuya
No more having to wait an hour and then sadly conceding to go to one of the perfectly good but not quite as special Japanese food joints in Los Angeles. With this superpower, your Ramen sense would kick into full gear exactly 45 minutes before there will be no line at the Little Tokyo staple so you can get a table and your bowl immediately after arriving.
The power to get a bartender’s attention at Clifton’s
Perhaps you cut them off in traffic on the 10. Maybe they mistook you for a swing dancer from the previous night who didn’t tip well. Or they may simply have not seen you even though you’ve been waiting at the bar for, like, 20 minutes now. No matter the reason for their indifference to your heroic inebriation aims, this superpower would allow you to forge a telepathic connection with the bow tie-wearing barkeeps and get that rum and coke post haste.
The power to find wherever you parked your car at Dodger’s Stadium on first attempt
Long gone are the days of dropping a pin into Google Maps of the specific location of your vehicle only for your phone to die in the seventh inning from too much in-game boredom texting. This superpower enables you to summon a concentrated heat wave that will locate your vehicle among the thousands of Prius’s and Civics populating the Chavez Ravine.
The power to not have a huge family argument at Disneyland
Your 4-year-old has to use the bathroom even though you just took them to the one by Critter Country five minutes ago. Your 10-year-old is crying because they lost their Minnie Mouse ears on Splash Mountain even though you explicitly told them that would happen if they wore them on the ride. Your 17-year-old won’t smile for any pictures with costumed characters because they think it’s lame. And your spouse is giving you the silent treatment after ignoring their advice to get a good seat ahead of time for the Electrical Parade. Normally, all of these conflicts would snowball into a trademark, decibel-shattering Disneyland family argument, full of awkward glances and murmurs from nearby park-goers, but this superpower gives you the ability to warp time backwards for five minutes and stop those maniacal Mickey events from ever occurring.
Want more? Sign up here to stay in the know.