Valentine’s Day events and things to do for singles

Mortified is a live storytelling extravaganza—a show-and-tell, if you will, of people’s most embarrassing, awkward and often seminal moments. At this Mortified event, celebrate and commiserate with stories of past V-Days gone wrong. The event is all ages at Wanderlust, but you can still expect beer, wine and inappropriate tales all around.

Slam down those Valentine’s Day blues with Lucha VaVOOM’s “Pin Ups & Pin Downs” show. The masked wrestlers aren’t the only ones showing some skin at this extravaganza of Mexican lucha libre wrestling-meets-striptease showcase. The “Buxoticas” add some serious sexo to the violencia on display. Expect cartoonish costumes, an edgy rock ’n’ roll/rock en español aesthetic, crowd-pleasing hijinks from hula hooping to pole dancing and ladies who bare it all save for pasties and the proverbial fig leaf.

Dart around Santa Monica in your undies to raise money for the Children’s Tumor Foundation during this annual Valentine’s Day-themed run and pre- and post-dash dance party.

Who better to love on Valentine’s Day (or any day, really) than yourself? Peruse the Pleasure Chest’s aisles of toys, adult flicks and other titillating treasures and treat yourself to something sexy, then take yourself and your new purchase home to bed. Studies prove that self-lovin’ leads to a longer, healthier life (which means more time for self-lovin’, and on it goes).

RECOMMENDED: Best sex shops in L.A.

Starting with her brilliant breakout “Avant Gardener,” Aussie singer-songwriter Courtney Barnett has penned funny and poignant songs about everything from allergies and roadkill to heartbreak and the hardships of being a woman in the music industry. See her and some mystery guests play the Palace Theatre on Valentine’s Day in a benefit for the Newport Festivals Foundation.

Ever been broken up with over text? It sucks. But a bunch of comedians are here to help bring you the closure and catharsis you’ve needed. Here’s the gist: Text a screenshot of your contemptible convo to 818-392-4759 and a stand-up may read and analyze it during a live show in West Hollywood. Comedian Allison Goldberg hosts the show; there’s a drinking game component (take a drink for each typo) and, because all dumpees-by-text deserve a happy ending, a bit of matchmaking, too.

Adam Sandler plays a wannabe rock star stuck on the wedding band circuit who falls hard for Drew Barrymore’s already-engaged waitress character in The Wedding Singer, this mid-’80s–set comedy. And this year, it’s Cinespia’s film of choice for its annual Valentine’s Day party, held at DTLA’s handsome Los Angeles Theatre. In addition to the screening, expect DJ sets, drinks and a photobooth, all of them ’80s-inspired.

Originated in New York City, the Moth is an open-mic storytelling show that has spread across the country, all the way to Los Angeles, where there’s certainly no dearth of performers. For the pre-Valentine’s Day edition, the show’s theme is “Love Hurts,” in which storytellers will retell a five-minute tale of a time that love made them go “ouch”—kinky stuff included.

If the only man-searching you want to do on Valentine’s weekend is a manhunt, who better to join than Clarice Starling, the FBI agent star of The Silence of the Lambs? Forget the mush of Street Food Cinema’s saccharine-sweet La La Land screening on the 14th: You’re here for the “Bloody Valentine’s” screening the next night, and we do mean bloody.

Okay, so it’s a little aggressive, but if you’re feeling any misplaced animosity toward your ex, your newlywed friends or just the consumerist-driven, made-up-holiday insanity going on all around you, shooting off a few rounds—in the safe, regulated environment of the L.A. Gun Club—might be the healthiest way to ease your frustrations.

Angel City is making a circus out of L.A.’s dating scene with this post-Valentine’s bash. As an answer to the all of the clowns in the dating pool, the Arts District brewery is gathering jugglers, stilt walkers, magicians and comedy acts for this afternoon of beer and amusements. Make sure to throw on a heart-themed sweater for a broken hearts photo booth.

“Here’s looking at you, kid.” Catch Humphrey Bogart at his most romantic in this WWII classic. He stars as Rick Blaine, a nightclub owner who runs into past love Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) and has to make some tough decisions. Head to the Aero Theatre to celebrate Valentine’s Day to mourn a star-crossed love. If nothing else, it’ll be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Hey, sad sack—instead of moping around all day feeling lonely, think of all the folks in L.A. who are less worried about getting a date and more worried about getting a meal. Volunteer some time and we guarantee you’ll end the day with a lot more love in your heart than if you’d stayed home with the cat and your Netflix queue.