By Time Out contributors. Edited by Sophie Harris
You love running, we love running. How do we know you love running? Because we see you out there, New York—in Central Park, on the McCarren track, on the streets, wearing short-shorts, underwear, trash bags, an expression of resignation or joy—and it's awesome. In honor of your commitment to keeping fit (and whatever else it is you're doing while you run), here are the types of joggers you'll see in New York City. And don't forget to fire up your workout songs playlist while you check 'em out.
1. The one starring in the music video in their mind
They're basically dancing around the track and loving it. Is it TV on the Radio? Journey? The Osmonds? Who knows? But they're in the zone.
2. The stroller strongman
These parents are in beast mode up and down the hills around Prospect Park with toddlers in tow. Just be sure to watch your toes.
3. The one who's older than you yet fitter than you
Nearing 80 years old, they're rocking tiny shorts and running past you on the path at Hudson River Park. We salute you!
4. The bench warmer
They want to join in but never will.
5. The breakup runner
They have Foo Fighters turned up to 11 while alternately angry and triumphant, punching the air. Yes!
6. The wolf pack
Yeah, North Brooklyn Runners, we see you with your matching black T-shirts, sense of camaraderie and endless medals. We're just keeping a slow pace to boost your morale!
7. The accessorizer
Thigh-moulded water flask? Check. Anti-pronating liqui-gel insole? Check. Wristwatch that flies a drone above them to record their progress around Central Park? Check. Wait, what are we doing again? Oh, yeah, running.
8. The wonky runner
Is it possible that anyone with as curious a gait as that is mobile at all? Possibly. But damn, they're fast!
9. The trash bagger
Because it'll help them lose weight—and look really cool, right?
10. The dog on the loose
Yes, we do mean an actual dog. How did it get here on the track?
11. The Williamsburger
They go once around the track in American Apparel short-shorts with their French Bulldog in tow, then it's kombucha-on-the-grass time. Sweet.
12. The smoker
They finish a run, then light up. Huh?
13. The joker
They remind people people fitness = fun when they wear their "I Fartlek When I Run" tee.
14. The judger
They used to run track in college. Now they're here to silently pass judgment on other runners out for a midday jog.
15. The crier
They just cry. And run.
16. The make-out-ers
They run, make out, run, make out, run, take a selfie making out, run.
17. The one stuck in the '80s
Their tube socks and reproductive system are proudly on display in those shorts. Look away, fellow joggers!
18. The prancer
Are you…is that Prancercise? Because it looks like you just got really good news at the same time that a bug crawled into your pants.
19. The struggler
They're "running" so slowly they may not actually be moving forward. And if their face gets any redder, you may need to call for some help.
20. The one in training
Don't talk to them.
21. The Phoebe
No explanation needed.