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Photograph: Lauren Spinelli

The best Valentine’s Day events for cynical New Yorkers

By Time Out New York contributors
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Bitterly-single New Yorkers think Valentine’s Day is just another pointless holiday, which only draws attention to fact that they’re still single. We get it: You certainly don’t need another reminder that you’re alone. In fact, you’re probably still recovering from Christmas, when your parents kept questioning you relentlessly asking, “Why haven’t you settled down yet?” (As if it were as easy as making a simple choice!)

RECOMMENDED: Valentine’s Day in NYC guide

Whether you like it or not, Valentine’s Day is going to happen. So don’t just spend the day cringing and rebelling at all the soppy declarations of love you see on social media come February 14. As the over-used saying goes, if you can’t beat them, join them. Look, we’re not asking you to crash the romantic dinner plans created by the only surviving and thriving couple you know. Instead, party or shop with like-minded folks at these Anti-Valentine’s Day events created for cynical New Yorkers. 

Fri 10 

Love Bites: The Power Ballads Sing-Along 
If that long-haired artist in the Bon Jovi “Always” video taught us anything, it’s that love is fickle, and occasionally prone to arson. Valentine’s Day is a time for violence and misery and sing-alongs and wailing guitars, so sing the hits of Journey, Bryan Adams, Def Leppard, and other paragons of ’80s and ’90s power rock.

Sun 12

Love Hurts Valentine's Day Pop-up 
Do soppy declarations of love make you want to cringe (or vomit)?  Practice some self-love instead by nabbing wonderful gifts for yourself at Dusty Rose. The vintage treasure trove holds a special pop-up with comped mimosas and great merch ranging from heart-shape cacti from Brooklyn Plant Studio to pins and totes designed by Tea Leigh. 

Tue 14 

Unlovable: A Smiths and Morrissey Valentine's Day 
To quote noted vegetarian poet Steven Patrick Morrissey, “And if a double-decker bus/Crashes in to us/To die by your side/Is such a heavenly way to die.” The man clearly knows a thing or two about the nature of true love (also, vehicular manslaughter). Tribute band the Sons & Heirs—along with host Rob Sheffield—rings in V-Day with the mopey crooner’s greatest—and by that we mean most depressing hits.

Tearin' Up My Heart: A 90s Valentine's Day Party 
“Baby, I don’t understand just why we can’t be lovers?” *NSYNC knew what was up. Revel in the horrible nature of unrequited love during this dance party at Rough Trade, where Music Video Time Machine will play all your favorite heartbreak songs from the 1990s.  

Anti-Valentine's Day Party at Falcon Laundry Bar
Head to this Williamsburg bar to meet singles, dance off your loneliness and enjoy drink specials all night. There will also be a live mystery performance (oOoO). Make sure to R.S.V.P. to falconlaundrybk@gmail.com. 

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