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Worldwide readers of E.L. James' bestseller, start your ovaries: The trailer for Universal's forthcoming adaptation dropped this morning. If you're one of those obsessed subway readers, you'll have your opinions: As curious student reporter Anastasia Steele, is The Social Network's Dakota Johnson too mousy? Not mousy enough? As for Jamie Dornan's title character—a business exec with "singular" sexual tastes—fans will wonder: Is he interesting when he's not shirtless? Actually, nah. They're not going to wonder that at all.
For everyone else, here's what can be gleaned from these two minutes and change: The ominous new version of Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love"—complete with scary orchestral sweep—suggests that the movie is getting the high-toned Hollywood psychodrama treatment. Think Fatal Attraction or Indecent Proposal. And a few glimpses of the S&M whipping room (and one of a tied-up Johnson, moaning in pleasure) indicate that the R-rating will likely be earned—though can it be as explicit as the book? Someone please tell us. Fifty Shades of Grey opens February 13, 2015, right in time for Valentine's Day.