Batten down the hatches, fellow New Yorkers, for a wintery “bomb cyclone” storm is knockin’ on our dear city’s door. Get ready for howling winds, blinding snow and booger-freezing cold. The weather is sure to turn even the most trite of subway performers into sage soothsayers. Bearded men will roam the streets, telling tale of a time when the sun warmed all five boroughs with its glow. The rats will retreat to the bottomless underground from whence they came, unable to bear the frozen wasteland.
Yes, it will be truly terrible outside as the first week of 2018 rears its ugly head. But the real question on many New Yorkers’ mind is, “So do I still have to go into work?”
Well that depends on a few things. Use our guide below, add up the points for each statement that applies to you and check your score against our criteria to find out whether or not you have to head into your office during the storm.
You have a job. 1 point
Your snow boots have a hole in them and they're giving you blisters. 2 points
You own a dog and it gives you an especially adorable look on your way out the door. 2 points
You're somehow still hungover from New Year's Eve. 2 points
You have a batch of leftover Christmas cookies that are on the brink of turning stale. 2 points
You are about to hit 1,000 followers on Instagram and a snowy photo of Central Park could really put you over the top. 2 points
You've suddenly developed a snow allergy. 3 points
You completed the Coney Island Polar Bear Plunge on New Year's Day and still aren't over it. 3 points
You're sick...of going outside in this nonsense. 3 points
Your boss mentioned they were coming in but left your responsibilities vague. 5 points
You really don’t have that much work to do. 5 points
You’re way behind on the latest season of your favorite TV show and can’t bear any more spoilers in your workplace. 5 points
Your pipes froze or your heat went out, and you need to give your super access to your apartment. 15 points
You value your well-being and warmth more than any stinkin’ job. 15 points
Your boss told you to work from home. 15 points
You normally work from home. 20 points
You’re unemployed. 20 points
If your score is 15 or less…
Get yer butt into the office!
If your score is exactly 16...
You’re in the clear to work from home or just watch Netflix and refresh your email every few hours.
If your score is 17 or more...
Take the day off. Even if your superiors told you to “work from home,” you clearly have too much on your plate to get a damn thing done.