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Let Us Sex-plain: How long should a man last in bed?

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York

By Jillian Anthony
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I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Senior Things to Do editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

What is the desired amount of time a man should last in bed?
—Joe, Canarsie, Brooklyn

Despite all those songs that warble on about doing it all night long, research shows that the average bone session lasts just six minutes. I asked my friends how long sex should ideally last, and most agreed that 6 to 15 minutes hits the spot, while some preferred 16 to 30 minutes. For most normal nights, when you’ve already been through a 14-hour day of gym, work, meal prep and maybe cleaning up after your pet, anything longer than that can be taxing rather than relaxing. But as my friend Kim says, “Saturday-morning sex should last at least 40 minutes.” Long story short, definitely don’t be a one-minute man—but a 10-minute man (and a half-hour man on special occasions) should be welcome in most boudoirs.

I’m sleeping with a guy I’m super attracted to, but I’m not that experienced, and I’m afraid he’ll lose interest. How do I make sure he stays crazy about me?
—Joanne, Murray Hill

Real talk: There’s no surefire way to lock down anyone’s affection in this cruel, hookup-culture–obsessed world. And I’m pretty turned off by the constant flood of advice that women receive about how they need to act, look and speak in order to keep a man. So here’s the only guidance I can genuinely offer: Be yourself, move slowly and be honest about your feelings and intentions. If this is more of a sex thing than a relationship thing, and you’re mostly worried about being good in bed, let him take the lead for now, and be open-minded and confident. If you’re ready to experiment and have a good time (let that body roam free and wild, girl), you should have nothing to worry about.

I was showering with the guy I’d been dating for three months when he asked me to toss his salad. I jumped out of the shower and pretty much never talked to him again. Did I overreact? Is this something that a lot of women do?
—Angelica, East Harlem

If you’re truly not comfortable with eating the booty like groceries, you don’t have to. That being said, I believe in Making Butt Stuff Great Again. Men and women can get a lot of enjoyment out of ass play, and it can be a clean, safe venture if both parties do a bit of showering and prepping beforehand. Is this something a lot of women are doing? Despite how appealing Nicki Minaj, Amber Rose and Pitbull have made ass-eating sound, probably not. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still benefit from a more open mind.

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let us sex-plain
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Let us sex-plain

Sex and dating

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York. Read them all here.

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