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Let Us Sex-plain: Is it normal for my young boyfriend to have boner issues?

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York

Illustration: Alex Citrin

I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Senior Things to Do editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

A guy I was dating asked me to take him out for his birthday. I’m pretty broke—I’m a single mom with two kids—but I treated him to dinner. The next morning, we got into a quibble, and he called me a bitch. Twice! He left, then accused me of ruining his birthday and playing games. Am I crazy, or did he cross a line and try to blame me for it?
—Molly, Brooklyn

Molly, you have two kids. Are you ready to take responsibility for a third? Because this man is an immature little brat. Don’t ever let someone speak to you this way, and don’t let him manipulate you into thinking you’re in the wrong. Kick him to the curb, and find someone who acts his age.

The last two men I’ve been with, including my current beau, have erectile issues. Is this normal for guys in their mid-thirties? My BF is great, and I don’t want to leave him because of this issue, but I’m so frustrated.
—Melissa, Upper West Side

Erectile dysfunction is rather normal for guys in their thirties and even their twenties. A 2013 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine stated that one in four newly diagnosed ED patients were under 40. You don’t want this to be a deal breaker, so do your best not to put pressure on the situation (I’m sure he’s feeling badly enough), and find a loving, nonjudgmental way to suggest that it might be time for him to see a doctor; there are pills and therapy out there for this!

I’m a 25-year-old short guy with high-functioning Asperger’s, and I’m still a virgin. I get shy within seconds of meeting a woman, and I get nervous because of so many stories about men approaching women the wrong way. I worry that I might creep women out and won’t be able to please a lady. How can I reach out to a woman the right way and admit my fears?
—Jason, UWS

Seamless conversations will likely never be your strongest asset, so let’s focus on alternatives. Online dating may be a good option; you can be up-front about your Asperger’s in your profile as well as take time to construct your responses. Check out the book Getting a Life with Asperger’s, in which the author (who is on the autism spectrum) details tips for dating, including not relentlessly contacting people and directly telling them that if they’re uncomfortable with how you communicate, they need to let you know. Be patient, and approach women with a smile and a simple introduction; someone will see your charm. And as far as virginity goes, we’ve all had a first time! The right partner for you will help you learn along the way.

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Read previous weeks' sex columns

Let us sex-plain

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York. Read them all here.

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By: Jillian Anthony

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