I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Senior Things to Do editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!
My libido has stayed strong—like once-a-day ready—into my forties. But gals I know aren’t up for that. I don’t want to date a 20-year-old. What to do?
—Lloyd B., Kensington, Brooklyn
Trust me, there are plenty of fortysomething women—actually, women of every age—who have a throbbing libido, just like you do. (One wrote in last week, in fact.) Keep dating until you find a partner who matches your sexual energy. I recommend the apps! You can filter for age and tell your matches what kind of setup you’re looking for (wine and dine, hang and bang—or both) before you meet up.
I was hooking up with a friend from work but broke things off because I was worried he was sleeping with other people. There’s still sexual tension, so some days I want things to go back to the way they were. I’m contemplating leaving a job I really like just to get away from this situation. Any advice?
—Jenn L., Astoria
Hold up. You’re telling me you’re considering quitting your job, the way you make a living, because of some fuckboy? You (hopefully) understood the risks of hooking up with a coworker. I get that it’s hard to see him every day, but you have to rise above this situation. If an exclusive relationship is what you want with this guy, say so. If you know he won’t give you that, move on—from him, not your job. That’ll take time and require you to find a way to spend less time with him. But soon enough, you’ll find another sexual playmate who you don’t have to interact with five days a week (unless you want to), and you’ll still have a job you love when you do.
I’ve been told my clitoris is too small. I feel pleasure, but I don’t have that epic release I hear so much about. Is there anything I can do? Is that just the way my body responds to stimulation?
—Maria B., Hell’s Kitchen
Maria, who told you your clitoris is “too small”? Was it someone looking for an excuse for why they couldn’t get you off? If so, screw that—tell them their sex appeal is too small. If, however, a medical professional told you this, it’s true that the size and shape of the clitoris can affect one’s ability to orgasm. A study from The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that if your clitoris is on the small side or located farther than average from your vagina (a few millimeters’ difference is all it takes), orgasms could be more elusive for you than for other women. Try sex with you on top so your clitoris is stimulated, but remember that most women don’t come through intercourse alone, so a helping hand (or tongue) is key. The most important thing is to ask for what you want—when something feels good, tell your partner to keep it up until you get the orgasm you deserve. Size isn’t everything!
