Stars of Netflix's Queer Eye on being your best self

Food and drink expert

Major turning point: “When I was around 18, I got kicked out of my parents’ house, and I wasn’t allowed to take anything with me. I slept on YMCA towels for a whole semester in university before my father found out and bought me a mattress. I felt really free because I was finally living on my own, but I was also really depressed because I had nothing. There have been moments in my life that have been a mix of high and low, of understanding what freedom is and the cost of freedom.”

Go-to product: “REN’s & Now to Sleep pillow spray—it’s like chloroform.”

On the international bond of food: “After the passing of my personal hero Anthony Bourdain, I’ve been reflecting a lot on his influence on food culture. He made street food from around the world, that most of us have never heard of, accessible. Whether you’re a broke-ass student or a professional hosting lavish dinner parties, food is there for all of us to enjoy and share.”

On picking a scent: “I’m a very sensory person. There’s a deodorant I wear called Baux, from L’Occitane, that is super nostalgic because it reminds me of being in Greece in the summer. When I put it on, I’m immediately taken back to that feeling of having salty skin and hair from the ocean and the taste of fresh fish.”

Design expert

Major turning point: “I was maybe six at the oldest, and I really enjoyed getting in there and painting. So, I don’t know if it was necessarily a turning point, but it was kind of a telltale sign of what was to come. I knew at a young age what I enjoyed in design.”

On coming out and being rejected by his church: “Having something that’s such a deep, integral part of your life for your entire childhood and into your adolescence, and then, all of a sudden, one day the people around you decided to judge who you are, when you were no different the day before. It leaves scars. Scars that, honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever get over. I would say, for me, the chapter of religion is closed.”

Guilty pleasure: “Ben & Jerry’s Americone Dream.”

Rule for the modern man: “I think a man should definitely be helping in the home. There are so many places in our country where it’s kind of thought to be a woman’s place, and it shouldn’t be. Guys should be doing laundry, doing dishes. It should be equal.”

Culture expert

Major turning point: “High-school graduation was a very pivotal time when I said, ‘No more. Everyone needs to know who I am.’ I wasn’t going to go to college feeling as if I needed to segment who I am. I was scared that people would reject those parts of me. And once I let that go, I told myself, ‘I don’t care if you reject me. I love myself. My family loves me, my friends love me. Your negativity or lack of compassion does not matter to me.’ ”

On coming out: “I grew up in a Caribbean home with first-generation American parents, and there’s a Jamaican reggae artist that used to be popular back in the ’90s called Buju Banton. There was a song that was extremely popular called ‘Boom Bye Bye,’ and the lyrics say, ‘Boom bye bye in a batty boy’s head’—a ‘batty boy’ is a homosexual—and the next lyrics are ‘Rude boy no promote no nasty man—dem haffi dead.’ So, the whole song is about killing gay men. I remember going to family parties and people singing the song and dancing to it and the internal damage that had on me. Somewhere around that time I knew it was either fight or flight. I was like, Ignorance like that, I have to fight against it. Because if I don’t fight against it myself, then ultimately I’m saying that behavior is okay for the next generation.”

Tips for civil debate: “It can’t be you versus them. If there’s a family member who you feel says ignorant things about women, LGBTQI people, people of color, people living with disabilities, you need to know how to have that conversation, because saying, ‘I’m going to lock the knob and go to my room’ doesn’t help the problem. It only allows them to feel confident about what they’re doing.”

New rules for the modern man: “Check in, curiosity and cry. Every day we can check in and say, ‘How am I doing?’ Because we start thinking everything needs to be about work and surviving because that’s what the culture tells us. The second rule is, Are we curious? We get into routines and habits, and when that happens, we start resenting ourselves and our lives because we’re not experiencing anything new. Thirdly, my role on the show is to fix that inside and allow men to have spaces where they feel comfortable to have a cathartic cry. And I take pride in that because it releases so much they’ve been holding in.”

Fashion expert

Major turning point: “My friends in Salt Lake City set me up on a dating site called Connections. My future husband, [Rob France], saw this picture of me and was like, ‘You don’t look like you’re from around here.’ My response was, ‘No shit, Sherlock,’ and we started a conversation. Ten years later, the rest is history.”

Go-to product: “Lanolin nipple cream. You have to try it! Put it on [your lips] before bed and then first thing in the morning.”

On wearing a statement shoe: “I prefer a Chelsea boot or a desert boot. I think it’s very metropolitan. It’s easy to dress it up or dress it down. I think an actual shoe shoe, like a brogue or an oxford, can look a bit dated, and a sneaker is too casual. A boot is a great transitional shoe for anywhere in the world to look cool and look like a city boy.”

New rule for the modern man: “It’s just as important for a man to make as much of an effort as his partner, whether it be male or female. Gone are the days when the wife makes the effort and the guy just slums out as if what he’s wearing is just fine. That’s not okay. Know your proportions. You’ve heard women talk about balancing out their bodies for 60 years. I think, now, general retail is giving men the freedom to really make an effort and show that they’re creative with what they’re wearing.”

Grooming expert

Major turning point: “When I wanted to get into gymnastics, they didn’t take boys. They had a class with a trampoline in front of a basketball hoop—like, to dunk—because that made [gymnastics]  more boyish. I was like, Oh my god, they still had to veil this to make it masculine. So, there was some kind of shame baked into gender at a young age."

On depression: “I was 25, and I was watching my stepdad pass away from cancer. I was in yoga every day, I was in therapy, and I got on and off medication the same year. When I got off of them, I quit cold turkey. It was, like, six months of psychotic depression. So, don’t do that. If you do decide to get off, definitely wean yourself off. But the biggest thing about self-care is to be gentle with yourself and remember there’s no one way up that mountain. Maybe don’t take advice from this interview about what you should do with antidepressants, because I don’t know you.”

Daily routine: “I work out in the morning every day. Sometimes it’s straight cardio, sometimes it’s weights, sometimes it’s yoga. If I don’t work out in the morning, I will harm the shit out of everybody—myself, you and the people trying to talk to me, honey.”

Hair tip: “If you sleep with your hair down, it’s sandwiched between your shoulder and your body for eight hours at 98.6ºF every night. So, you want to loosely gather it in a top knot. Your ends won’t get tangled, and your hair will get shinier.”