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21 London nightmares we're all afraid of

Sonya Barber

Here are just a few of the things that make us break out in a cold sweat.

Being shaken awake by a member of TfL staff. Looking at the wall of the platform and seeing the word: 'Morden'.

A friend’s birthday party being in a bar in Clapham.

Taking a day off during the week to go and visit an exhibition while it’s quiet… then realising it’s half term.

Sitting down in one of those video rooms in an art gallery and realising it's literally just a woman staring at a cat and you can’t leave until everyone else does otherwise you’ll look like a philistine.

The phrase that strikes fear into every Londoner’s heart: ‘Citymapper doesn’t have a good connection right now’.

You look up from your phone and realise you’ve got the tube in the wrong direction. And you’ve been on it for 20 minutes.

Your flat white tastes bitter, but you don’t want to say anything in case that’s what it’s supposed to taste like, EVEN THOUGH IT COST £3.25.

You can’t get an Uber to pick you up – just because of that one time when you were a tiny little bit sick everywhere.

Hearing the words: ‘This bus is running ahead of schedule and will wait at this stop to regulate the service’.

Someone you’ve never met before and have no discernible connection with BEGINS A CONVERSATION WITH YOU IN A PUBLIC PLACE.

London Bridge station. At any time of day.

You’ve just bought a flat with someone and have now realised, all things considered, you maybe don’t like them very much.

Your flatmate has left a bowl of half-eaten Weetabix out, and now it’s harder than adamantium.

There’s nowhere left to dock the Boris Bike.

You stayed sat down because you didn’t think she was pregnant, just a bit hefty.

You stood up because you thought she was pregnant, but she was just a bit hefty.

You’ve walked halfway across London only to find out Google Maps has taken you to HEAD OFFICE and not the ACTUAL BLOODY HARRODS (true story). 

Your Tinder date is approximately 26 YEARS OLDER than they were when they took their profile picture.

Card clash.

Your PARENTS are coming to see your ‘flat’ (shoebox).

Looking at a road sign and noticing it doesn’t have a postcode on and that you have therefore accidentally LEFT LONDON.

Did we miss your biggest nightmare? Tell us below. 

(GIFs via Giphy]

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