East London is fierce, loyal and aggressive, while west London is weak, sappy and dumb. That's what we've concluded from the latest bit of research from the Kennel Club, which shows that our city is divided by the canine equivalent of the Iron Curtain. The 'Furry Drape' cuts our city in twain: research shows that the most popular dog in ALL of west London is the labrador retriever, while in east London the staffordshire bull terrier is the breed of choice. Only 'west central London - which is basically Westminster - opts for any other breed: the ultra-posh weimaraner. We always like to believe that we are a city united, that our love for London overcomes our geographical differences. The Kennel Club has proved, once and for all, that that is straight up bullshit. The Kennel Club has also discovered that the french bulldog is London's fastest-growing breed. Not in size, obviously - they're tiny - but in popularity. The number of the boggle-eyed, bateared little blighters has risen a whopping 524 percent in the past five years. Will these French invaders overthrow their English rivals? We were up for organising a one-on-one bulldog showdown to settle the matter. Sadly, our lawyers said no.
In other animal news, an eagle flew over London with a camera on its back.