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Londoners reveal their sober selves’ messages to their drunk selves

By
James Manning
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‘What message does sober you have for drunk you?’ we asked. Here’s what you lot replied.

‘Never miss a chance to go to the toilet – it’s a long way home on the night tube.’

‘McDonald’s is never the answer.’

‘You don’t need to go to the 24-hour Co-op to buy profiteroles.’

‘Teaching reception with a hangover is a recipe for misery and suffering.’

‘You won’t be able to stay awake long enough to get replies on Grindr. Just go to sleep and have a morning wank.’

‘Mustard-flavour vodka is not a good idea.’

‘Keep doing what you’re doing; it’s hilarious at the time and they definitely respect you more for it at work.’

‘When someone leaves their smartphone unattended, it isn’t an invitation for you to use it to take a picture of your balls and set it as their screensaver.’

‘Stop buying random things online as a “present”! Sober you doesn’t need that crate of wine or that yellow hard hat.’

Now wince as Londoners reveal the secrets they’re still keeping from their parents.

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