Our beautiful city has come in for a lot of stick recently. Eddy Frankel wonders what everyone's problem is.
Apparently, we have the ugliest buildings in the UK
The annual 'Carbuncle Cup' - a survey that aims to find the worst buildings in Britain - has announced that the four ugliest in the country this year are all in the capital. The Walkie Talkie takes the prize for being the ugliest of all: its hulking mass of glass and steel has clearly left Londoners unimpressed. And the fact that it can literally melt pavements and burn your eyes out of your head only adds physical insult to aesthetic injury.
And the filthiest boroughs
Six of the ten worst boroughs in the UK for flytipping are in London. Yeah, we're looking at you Westminster, Greenwich, Croydon, Hammersmith & Fulham, Kensington & Chelsea, and Haringey. Among the items dumped in these places over the past year are some garden furniture, two live turtles and a coffin. Throw some toxic waste into the mix and you've got yourself the beginnings of a horticultural ninja reptile adventure set in a funeral home. Kickstarter!
Our transport costs twice as much as literally everywhere else's
Londoners cough up for the most expensive public transport in the world, according to a study by transport information company Inrix. The report says that a Zone 1 to 6 fare costs more than three times the equivalent journey in New York and four times more than in Paris. So, yeah, transport is way cheaper in places like France and Germany - but do they have fancy patterned seats? Oh. Well, how about a ruthlessly efficient Underground system? Theirs is MORE efficient? Oh. Okay, well how about double-decker buses - have they got those? Oh, they have double-decker TRAINS, don't they... You win, world, you win.
And to top it all off, our beer isn't even brewed here
Meantime Brewery, one of London's first craft beer purveyors, has come under fire after it was revealed that some of its London Lager is in fact brewed in Holland. Critics have pointed out that the bottle says 'born and brewed in London', when in fact it's more like 'born in London, but then had a really fun gap year in Holland and is now back with a totally new perspective on libertarianism and eco-diversity'. Tasty, though.
...but it can't be that bad
Because the French totally <3 us
A survey from TransferWise has found that three-quarters of French people living in this city are happier in London than in France. In fact, the majority like it so bloody much that they want to stay here indefinitely. Who needs croissants, beautiful weather, romance and impressionism when you've got sausage rolls, drizzle, snogging in Belushi's and Damien Hirst?
And we invented pasties
You probably assume that pasties are as Cornish as pirates, surfers and made-up languages. But you're wrong. A historian has revealed in food journal Petits Propos Culinaire that what we think of as a Cornish pasty was in fact invented in London. Soon we'll find out that we also invented tuxedos, wedding cakes and table tennis, and discovered DNA. Oh wait. We did. High five, London: you're okay.
Sure, the French love us - but here are four reasons London is a giant waste of time and money.
Or read about eight things that are going up quicker than your salary.