Get us in your inbox


Pun-slinger Darren Walsh officially has the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe

Written by
Ben Williams

There's one more week to go of the 2015 Edinburgh Festival Fringe, and so far thousands of jokes has been told by hundreds of comics at the biggest comedy festival in the world.

Each year, TV channel Dave hunts down the funniest gag of the fest, and 2015's prize has just been awarded to pun-slinging comic Darren Walsh. The gag? 'I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free.'

Walsh – who, as well as performing on the circuit, has written a book of silly puns entitled 'Cheap Laughs' – said that he was, 'delighted to win this award. What a punderful feeling. Thanks Dave.' (See what he did there?)

Here's Dave's full top ten, some that narrowly missed out and a few groaners. Plus our Comedy Editor, Ben Williams, has picked some of his favourites that didn't make the list.

The full top ten

1. 'I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free.' – Darren Walsh
2. 'Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West.' – Stewart Francis
3. 'Surely every car is a people carrier?' – Adam Hess
4. 'What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.' – Masai Graham
5. 'If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go.' – Dave Green
6. 'Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.' – Mark Nelson
7. 'Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day.' – Tom Parry
=8. 'The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.' – Alun Cochrane
=8. 'Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.' – Simon Munnery
10. 'They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for…' – Grace The Child

Honourable mentions: those one-liners that missed out…

'I never lie on my CV… because it creases it.' – Jenny Collier
'If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.' – Ian Smith
'I usually meet my girlfriend at 12.59 because I like that one to one time.' – Tom Ward
'Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.' – Gyles Brandreth
'Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means "me".' - Ally Houston
'Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" – loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism.' – James Acaster

Top of the flops: and some of the jokes voted most groan-worthy included…

'What do honeymooners eat for breakfast? Wedded Wheat.' – Lou Sanders
'I am Canadian. But if you think I’m Russian, Soviet. – Stewart Francis
'I suffer from PMS. My wife gets it and I suffer.' – Jeff Green

Time Out's personal favourites

'When life gives you lemons, rub them into your moustache and then the world smells of lemons.' – Pat Cahill
'I don't know anything about Tolstoy. I'm more of a "Bug's Life" man myself.' – Phil Wang
'When I'm having an IBS attack I say I'm having "a closing down sale" because everything must go.' – Felicity Ward
'I stuck on the radio and listened to Magic. Which was rubbish because it's quite a visual art form.' – Mark Simmons
'I think fruitarians have been made up by vegans to stop people like me picking on vegans.' – Nick Cody
'I'm a comedian with IBS. Shits and giggle.' – Laura Lexx

For more LOLs, read about what happened when comedian James Veitch decided to scam the scammers.

Popular on Time Out

    Latest news