An Australian millionaire has declared that millennials would be able to buy a home if it wasn’t for all that avocado on toast we’re buying. Tim Gurner, a luxury property developer in Melbourne, told an interviewer: ‘When I was trying to buy my first home, I wasn’t buying smashed avocado for $19 and four coffees at $4 each.’
Screw rising rents and a shortage of affordable property – avocados are the problem. And who can blame us when we can’t step out into a trendy London neighbourhood without crossing paths with plates of the green stuff. Here are seven places to avoid if you ever want to describe yourself as a homeowner.
1. Brickhouse Bakery’s Peckham caff serves up avocado and fried eggs on homemade bread. What extravagance, you could tile a roof in the time spent kneading that loaf.
2. Indulge in avocado, chilli, lemon... and another year off the property ladder at Caravan Bankside for just £7.
3. Covent Garden joint Beany Green serves up avocado on black charcoal bread. Which is ironic because you’ll never be in the black again after splurging £8.20 on it. (Okay, that is quite expensive, but charcoal’s fancy.)
4. Brunch at Jar Kitchen might be bottomless, but all that’s really infinite is the amount of time you spend working while you’re young.
5. Profits from Central Street Cafe’s £4.50 avo on toast go to running a lunch club for older people in Shoreditch. That doesn’t matter though does it, because that’s a whole IKEA plant pot you’ve missed out on for your imaginary house. Well done.
6. The £6 avocado on toast at Fink’s Salt and Sweet might come with fiery rose harissa spice and indulgent chèvre goat’s cheese but you’re better off using those six pound coins as tiny bricks to build a house for you and your future children.
7. Granger & Co’s avocado, lime and coriander on rye has an extra special guacamole vibe. It’s a whopping £7 though, so just take a mortgage out on that plate and move in, why don’t you?
And, don’t even get us started on how far off being a property tycoon you’ll be if you indulge in any of these breakfasts.