The heroes of everyday life in London deserve to have their praises sung. They are, after all, the people that make this city what it is. But they're not the only ones. This is a city where, for every kindly shopowner, there’s a litterer; where for every helpful passenger, there’s an inconsiderate cyclist; where, for each everyday hero, there exists an equally terrible everyday villain. These are the true villains:
1. People who stand on the left
Look, we get it. Sometimes it’s cool to be different. Standing out from the crowd, whether it be with regards to fashion, taste, or even personality, is a really, really awesome thing to do. We also understand that in London, a place where so many people stand out, it very quickly becomes very difficult to do so yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you need to take the whole ‘stand out from the crowd’ saying literally. Keep to the damn right on the escalators (unless you're at Holborn station and then it's a tad more acceptable).
Arguably, the worst of the worst. This city’s actually really nice, you know, and now someone else is going to have to pick that up. There’s a special rung in hell for people like this, just below internet trolls and just above people who use styrofoam cups at parties. Throw it in a bin or put it in your pocket. It’s not hard.
3. Night bus vommers
In fairness, this is one you often can’t control. That’s fine, accidents happen. That said, you could make some effort to stop and get off the bus before it all goes a bit 'Team America'. You’ll lose out on £1.50, sure, that's far better than some poor custodian having to clean up after you. Don’t be selfish.
4. People who don't move down the carriage
Dart your eyes back and forth between those people and that wide open space down the end of the carriage all you want. They’re still not going to move until you actually tell them to. You have to admire the people who try to squeeze past anyway, but sometimes it’s a lost cause – in which case you’re just going to end up having to endure a crisis of personal space on a tube carriage with only 15 people on it.
5. Fast cyclists in pedestrian areas
Cyclists: you’re great. You really are. Helping the environment, getting some exercise and saving money – who can argue that getting on your bike isn’t a great idea? That doesn’t mean, however, that you get a free pass to turn the park into your own personal Tour de France training arena. Yes, even if you are actually in the Tour de France. Seriously, slow the hell down.
6. People who play music out of their phone speakers
It doesn’t matter where you are. It doesn’t matter what you’re playing. The fact is this: you’re being too loud. Stop being so loud. Just because no one is actively admonishing you for playing that 120kbp/s rip of whatever awful drum and bass song on your iPhone doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t truly despise you for doing so. You’re not hearing the song as it’s meant to be heard, and no one else really wants to hear it in the first place. Some people (pictured above, for example) love the back of the bus. It's nice back there. So, for their sake, just turn it off. Please.