"Let's go to the pub," they said.
"Which pub?" I said.
"ALL OF THE PUBS!" they said.
The UK is home to 24,727 of 'em according to this map, which, zoomed out, is more than enough to crash your computer.
With so many to choose from, it leaves the problem of where one ought to drink next. Fortunately, some kind Canadian mathematicians have worked out the shortest route to visit every pub in the UK.
Best of all, it's a circular route, so by continuing onwards from any local drinking hole, you'll eventually return to your starting point, 28,000 miles and – at the marathon-a-day pace of a beer-fuelled Eddie Izzard – just under three years later.
(NOTE: you'll also be drinking at 23 pubs a day, every day, for the entire duration. Consult a medical professional before embarking on this adventure.)
Consulting the mammoth text file, the route first arrives in London at the Abbey Arms, SE2...
...finally finishing the capital's boozers, 2393 stops later (admittedly with a 934-pub detour into Buntingford, Little Hallingbury and other jewels of Hertfordshire) at the Greystoke, W5.
It's all explorable on this splendid interactive map:
We've found our office's Friday night local so we've got our marching orders...
See you at the bar, yeah?