Heading for a dip in a lido today? It's not as simple as showing up and jumping in the pool.
1. Remember where you are
Sure, ‘lido’ is Italian for ‘beach’, but this is not a Continental experience. Red cheeks and a brisk towelling are the order of the day, not peacocking by the pool. Keep that upper lip stiff.
2. Shower first
Especially if you have been basting yourself poolside to make the most of the weak English sunshine. No one wants to languish in your oil slick like some kind of suburban cormorant.
3. Marshal your minors
Teaching children a healthy way of life and how to comport themselves among their olders and betters is laudable in this day and age. So actually do it. It’s no fun getting hit in the head with a float before work.
1. Attempt the butterfly
There is no excuse for doing the butterfly in any public pool. It’s a swimming stroke for show-offs and professionals, neither of whom has any place at a lido.
2. Randomly splash about
That said, you’re in a swimming pool, not a paddling pool. The giant size of a lido, and the arching firmament above you, lend themselves to a meditative backstroke, something not improved by people mucking around in your lane.
3. Pet heavily
Along with the inherent Englishness of the lido experience is a very proper horror of public touching. This is ‘Brief Encounter’, not ‘Spring Breakers’.
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