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What kind of lamewads still DRINK their coffee, eh? Not us, despite what our list of London's best café’s and coffee shops might infer. In any case, your daily caffeine hit is now available in solid form! Yes, really.
Enter Flat Brew’s espresso coffee spread, an Arabica-infused paste that looks like the light-sucking, matte-black bastard son of Marmite, but tastes a bit like bitter Nutella, apparently.
The spread, which took a year to develop, was designed to be slathered on crumpets, pastries, toast and the like, but you’ll probably end up devouring it straight from the pot, (while getting slowly wired in the process.) Each jar contains 35g of coffee, which is around four espressos' worth – so it's pretty punchy.
So what's the damage? It's £5.99 for a 285g jar, and you’ll have to go to Selfridges to buy it. But be quick! It’s only available from April 10–16, as part of UK Coffee Week.
If you'd rather stick to the liquid stuff, these are five of the best filter coffees in London.
And here are five places to get bottomless coffee in London.