Nobody goes on holiday just to sit in a dark room and watch ‘Ghostbusters’, but anyone booking a stay at this restored Georgian coaching inn would be a fool not to pack a few DVDs. As well as five bedrooms, a library and a pool table, it’s also got its own 30-seater, vintage-styled cinema. Bring popcorn.
Where? Axbridge, Somerset.
How much? From £375 a night.
Eager to live out those ‘Jonathan Creek’ fantasies? Get a load of this lovingly restored three-storey windmill, which looks just the place to ponder over your latest head-scratching murder case. Or, y’know, crack open a bottle of pinot grigio and gaze dreamily at the Kentish countryside, if that’s how you roll.
Where? Benenden, Kent.
How much? From £175 a night.
With not even the prospect of bumping into rock royalty to keep you going, non-festival camping is a complete arse-ache. Chuck in comfy-but-rustic beds, log-burning stoves and campfires for cooking locally reared meat, however, and the great outdoors suddenly seems a much more inviting place.
Where? Westcott, Surrey.
How much? From £600 for three nights during summer.
Is it a boat? A house? Both, sort of. Or possibly neither. What we do know is that it’s got all the standard facilities you’d expect of a weekend break bolt-hole, as well as its own hot tub (accessible by row boat) on the bank opposite. It presumably fares pretty well in a flood, too.
Where? Chigborough, Essex.
How much? From £195 a night.
If the thought of bedding down where horses once hit the hay, this glorious stableyard conversion in Surrey is the Red Rum of quirky stays. Sure, it's expensive but it does sleep ten guests, so you won’t get nagged on the price too much...
How much? From £1,250 a night.
Sure, we’ve all spent school summer holidays building tree houses in our parents’ back gardens, but none of them were a patch on this mighty, leaf-shrouded abode. A weekend living like an ewok not enough for you? In true wild-as-a-forest-fairy style, the shower is outside, and the only neighbours you’ll need to worry about catching you in the buff are a field full of alpacas.
Where? Uplands, Bristol.
How much? From £140 a night.
We know people who went to schools smaller than this twelfth century manor house. It is, simply, gigantic. But should you somehow bore of wandering around the same eight bedrooms, five bathrooms and Aga-equipped kitchen, it’s also got a garden to explore. If you can call an eight-acre patch of Suffolk countryside a ‘garden’, that is.
Where? Butley Abbey, Suffolk.
How much? From £600 a night.
The average Londoner spends more than enough time on buses, but it turns out that once you get rid of the gum-encrusted seats and kids playing music on their phones, they’re not such a bad place to be. As well as thoroughly fancy decor, this one sports a log burner, shower room and space to sleep up to six people. Take note, TfL.
Where? Lewes, East Sussex.
How much? From £160 a night.
You’ve got the beard, you’ve got the checked shirt, now all you need is a properly rustic bolthole in which to fire up your pipe and blast a bit of Mumfords. And this miniature shack – made from locally sourced timber, of course – is pure Instagram gold.
Where? Beckley, East Sussex.
How much? From £100 a night.
We hate to break it to you, but there are canal boats out there that are nicer than your flat. Head downstream to the Kennet and Avon canal (between Reading and Bristol) for proof. Here you’ll find Moonraker Canalboats, a selection of five cutely made-up narrowboats that’ll make landlubbers contemplate ditching dry land for good.
Where? Pewsey, Wiltshire.
How much? From £1,065 for three nights during summer.
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