‘Emily in Paris’ star Lily Collins announced on her Instagram yesterday that the show has been renewed for two more seasons. You might wonder why that is news that we, Time Out London, would cover, considering the show follows an American marketing exec who moves to Paris, France, not London, England. Well, it’s because Season 2 ended with lots hanging in the balance. Emily was choosing between staying in Paris and returning to Chicago, while her British crush Alfie had just moved back to London. It left viewers asking: what if she followed him back to Blighty for Season 3? Well, we’ve imagined just that…
Scene 1 [EXT: THE MALL, DAY]
‘Get out of the bleedin’ way!’ Emily has just stepped out of Heathrow Airport. It’s commuter time and The Mall is chockablock with red buses and black cabs as gloomy Londoners try to make their way to work. It’s pouring with rain. She’s here for business – pitching a campaign to important British tea brand PG Tips – but also pleasure: will she be able to make it to The City to track down former banker beau Alfie before she flies back to Paris, France?
Scene 2 [INT: BLACK CAB, DAY]
Emily’s driver takes a shortcut to her meeting via Wimbledon tennis club, Tower Bridge, trendy Dalston, the Houses of Parliament and Snaresbrook.
Scene 3 [INT: CAFÉ, DAY]
Emily arrives at a caff in Leicester Square, orders a pot of tea and Instagrams it with the caption ‘exciting things brewing!’.
Scene 4 [INT: CAFÉ, DAY]
God, Emily feels stupid. Here she is, dressed to the nines in her tube-map co-ord, with four forty-something brand executives all in Carhartt dungarees. She looks out over the beautiful old buildings of Leicester Square, shuffling pie and liquor around her plate, and wishes she’d never come here. None of them bought into her idea ‘are you a loose-leafer or a bag head?’ and their foul teeth are making her feel sick! Worst of all, Alfie isn’t picking up his mobile. This is like season two, episode seven all over again!
Scene 5 [INT: PUB, DAY]
It’s all gone even more wrong. Emily has left her meeting, taken a wrong turn and now she’s lost her phone. Goodbye, all the exciting content she got of street performers on the South Bank! She wanders out of the rain (it’s still raining) and into a pub to ask for help. The football is on. Everyone is necking pints and eating fish and chips. No one will give her useful advice. They’ll only talk to her about the weather, ‘Love Island’ or what social class they are. She slumps down at a table. ‘Alright, guvnor?’ It’s a chirpy, heartwarming cockney man in a flat cap checking she’s okay.
Scene 6 [EXT: MULTIPLE, DAY]
Video montage of Emily and the chirpy cockney man shopping at Harrods, laughing at Madame Tussauds, getting lots of tubes and sharing a black pudding.
Scene 7 [EXT: CARNABY STREET, DAY]
Emily goes to Instagram-thrilling, buzzing Carnaby Street and then remembers she has lost her phone. She is bereft.
‘Not your dog and bone!’ says the cockney man, appalled.
Scene 6 [EXT: OXFORD STREET, NIGHT]
A gust of wind blows off Emily’s new friend’s flat cap and it turns out he is… Prince Edward (played by himself). Someone on the street shouts ‘Wow! It’s Prince Edward, the Queen’s other son!’ to make sure viewers know who he is.
Scene 8 [INT: COTTAGE, PICCADILLY CIRCUS, NIGHT]
Now his identity has been revealed, Prince Edward and Emily go to a dinner party with lots of tweed-clad people who look like Hugh Grant and Julie Andrews and who are all called Hugo or Kitty. She’s forced to take part in after-dinner fencing with disastrous consequences. (By now she’s had nearly 17 pints.) Everyone keeps raising their glasses and toasting 'the queen!' and while Emily is having a lovely time she feels sad that Alfie isn’t here. But not for long. Turns out he went to boarding school with Hugo’s nanny’s horse-riding teacher Felicity. ‘Alfie only takes calls from his mobile abroad,’ says Hugo. ‘You’ve got to call the red phone box outside his house.’
Scene 9 [INT: COTTAGE, PICCADILLY CIRCUS, NIGHT]
Delighted to be reunited, Alfie and Emily kiss, much to the disgust of the prudish Brits around them. Perhaps she’s going to find her feet here after all, even if it means massively scaling back her oral hygiene routine in order to fit in.
The internet is calling for a Samantha Jones in London TV show.