The Elizabeth Line is finally opening on Tuesday May 24, after a long and scarcely bearable wait. But TfL has made up for the delay by releasing a bountiful array of merch themed around its luscious Cadbury’s Dairy Milk-hued seats. Here’s how to turn your fellow commuters purple with envy.
Hide your pimply face with a gorgeous face mask
Visible pores are ugly. New public transport infrastructure is beautiful. Plus, research has shown that people perceive strangers to be more beautiful when only their eyes are visible. So whether or not you’re worried about the viral load of your fellow passengers, a mask is the obvious choice to swathe your time-worn mug in.
Show some ankle in fashionable socks
You’re running for the tube. There’s only room for one more sweating body in the packed carriage. Fortunately, your rivals will scatter like a crowd of tube rats when a pest control officer approaches once they see your dashing purple socks. Those teasing few inches of heliotrope polycotton will demonstrate that you’re a force to be reckoned with, divinely attuned to the frequencies of the Transport Gods, and able to unleash untold commuting nightmares upon anyone who stands in your way.
Sip your brew from an appropriately themed mug
Normal people, weak people, carry their morning coffee to work in a travel cup. Life's real winners opt for a china mug, womanfully bearing the pain of any scalding hot coffee spills that the journey might bring. This roundel-adorned cup is the perfect vessel to sip from, the delicious taste of Nescafe erasing the memories of the Elizabeth Line's painfully delayed and over budget birth into this world.
Plonk your posterior on a velvety cushion
Cushions aren't just for groundlings at Shakespeare's Globe. They're also perfect for any commuter who wants to display their superiority to those around them by elevating themselves just a few inches higher than everyone else. Plus, they protect your rump from whatever foul emissions the tube seats are stained with.
Don't sit on tube seats like a peasant, bring your own sofa
Go one step further and bring the Moquette Pimlico 3 Seater Sofa onto the Elizabeth Line with you each morning, reclining in comfort as those around you gaze at you with awe and profound respect. Its natural hardwood feet will protect its glorious upholstery from the filth of the carriage floor, while its luxurious foam seat pads will lull you into a glorious sleep, in which you can dream of new, ever more elaborate new mass-transit schemes for London's future. Monorail? Octopus-piloted sky cars? Teleportation? You're not just a commuter, you're an architect of this city, and its future lies at your purple moquette-patterned feet.