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‘It’s like a square, except it’s a circle.’
‘If you’re going to start supporting Tottenham you’ll have to find another house to live in.’
‘I’ve spent a lot of time on Instagram pretending I have a golden retriever.’
‘I’m here for the squirrels, not the humans.’
‘Monogamy is soooo 2013.’
‘If you had an erection, you wouldn’t have put “Motherland” on.’
‘We’ve gone from beefburgers to divorces.’
‘I’m gonna be such a ho when social distancing is over.’
‘I wish Australia was where Africa is.’
‘I fell asleep with the dentist inside my mouth.’
Every week you share the weird things you’ve overheard in London. Above, a few perplexing snippets from the past seven days – don’t forget to tweet us yours!