'You don’t get affection from a hedgehog like you do a dog or a cat.’
‘How did we get from Dick Van Dyke to dogging?’
‘I’m just saying, it helps if a dog walker is attractive.’
‘I’ll be so glad when the spider mating season is over.’
‘Why don’t you go as Scooby Doo and I’ll just paint my face?’
‘Some women are called Neil, right?’
‘I was eye-level with the banana.’
‘Can we not listen to Magic FM, please? I’m going through a bad divorce.’
‘Character building? I have enough character. I just want my own bathroom.’
‘There’s too much gravy in this country. It’s why Tinder’s so rubbish.’
‘I woke up with poppers in my pocket and a massive badge saying “basic bitch”.’
Every week you share the weird things you’ve overheard in London. Above, a few perplexing snippets from the past seven days – don’t forget to tweet us your own!
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